TIPS: Talking About Addiction with a Loved One

Openly talking about addiction and actively listening for responses are some of the most significant ways you can help someone with an addiction. Opening these conversations around addiction isn’t especially easy; read on for tips to get this necessary conversation going. OVERALL: Know it is okay to have this conversation. Realistically multiple conversations will likely occur before a loved one voices openness to getting help. Keep in mind, there isn’t just one way to go about having a conversation like this, and there isn’t a set time frame in which you should have it. That said, how should you go about bringing up the topic?

 

HOW DO I PREPARE FOR A CONVERSATION ABOUT ADDICTION?

• Educate Yourself

  Before speaking to your loved one, it’s imperative to understand addiction is a medical disorder. The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as “a treatable, chronic medical disease involving complex interactions among brain circuits, genetics, the environment, and an individual’s life experiences.” Do some research on addiction to increase your understanding, including what support is available in their area.

• Check In with Yourself

  Do an essential check in with yourself. What are you feeling? What are your emotions? Are you in in a place where you can be open and understanding throughout the conversation?

• You Get to Choose Your Role

  In this conversation and any further interactions, you get to choose your role. You decide what you are willing to do. You choose what you are willing to give.

• Approach with Love and Concern

  Share your fears as clearly as you can while also emphasizing you care for them and are worried about their welfare. Share with them you want what is best for them. Explain the reasons you are concerned, including specific actions you have seen.

• Stay Disconnected, But with Love

  Repeat to yourself the reality that you didn’t initiate it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. You can address the issue of substance use with your loved one, but altering their behavior is their decision.

• Rally the Support

  When it comes to addiction and your loved one, the more people on the same page the better. It can be beneficial to discuss the present situation with family and friends who are in support of the conversation. It can be even more beneficial to have additional family and friends there during the conversation to provide support for all involved. Make sure everybody is on the same page before the conversation happens.

HOW DO I BEGIN THE CONVERSATION?

Listen More Than You Talk

Begin by sharing your worries. You can try something like, “I’ve noticed something and I wondered if we could have a chat about it.” Share specific examples to help them understand where you are coming from. While being specific, also try to be sure not to sound like you’ve been following and overseeing all of their activities. Asking open ended questions can clarify and help keep the conversation flowing.

You can help someone you love most by actively listening to them with the intention of understanding what they are going through. With your actions and words demonstrate you’re there to help and you’re not judging them.

Throughout the conversation you can share some information and support options with them to help them decide what their next steps should be.

Consistency is Key

Since you began this venture with knowledge, compassion, calmness and a specific role in mind, it is imperative to maintain these throughout the process. Be clear on the things you are willing to do to help them. Be consistent with the words and actions used to help prevent miscommunication during this talk. You want to be sure to convey your boundaries distinctly and efficiently with someone in active addiction. It is helpful to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements in this communication.

Set Clear Boundaries

Clear boundaries are important for two main reasons: to guard yourself and to ensure you maintain your kindness and empathy. Do not allow your loved one to abuse you in any way. Remove yourself from the situation if this transpires.

Try to end the conversation by conversing about the next steps. Instead of telling them your thoughts, ask them what their thoughts are. What do they believe the situation is? What do they think is a workable solution?

WHAT ARE THE NEXT STEPS?

At this point you can share your hopes and ideas for what their life in recovery could look like. You can let them know how excited you are for them to move to this next step. You can share possible treatment options. Communicate you are available to help them find any additional resources.

If the talk has gone in a positive direction, the next steps can be discussed. If they’re open to the idea of seeking professional help, then the conversation can move to guiding them to learn more about the services available to them.

If the talk hasn’t gone in a positive direction, the next steps can be giving them time to think about what was discussed and following up with them at a later time.

After the talk be sure to seek your own support both professionally and personally. It is important to care for yourself in order for you to continue to be a positive role model for your loved ones.

Remember to reinforce all constructive behaviors, no matter how big or how small. It is important to recognize when they are doing the right things so they will continue to do so.

Avoid shielding them from natural consequences. It is best to allow natural consequences to impact them. Consequences tend to encourage behavior change. Allow them to learn from these experiences.

WHY SANTÉ FOR THOSE WHO SUFFER FROM ADDICTION AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?

Santé Center for Healing provides integrity-driven, evidence-based, and personalized long-term recovery customized for those suffering from substance use disorders, mental health, trauma, problematic sexual behavior, co-occurring disordered eating and other compulsive behaviors. Founded in 1996, Santé’s mission is to provide long-term recovery because left untreated, addiction is a fatal disease.

 

Photo: Adobe Stock Images

 

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