What are Healthy Boundaries?

• Healthy boundaries must balance our need to be connected with others in meaningful ways with our need to remain an independent self. Maintaining this balance is called “interdependence.”
• Healthy boundaries begin by taking responsibility for your own behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and ability to cope. Instead of focusing on the thoughts and emotions of others, focus on your own thoughts and feelings.
• Healthy boundaries are flexible and adaptable to the specific needs of a relationship at a specific time. For example, the boundary between a parent and child should naturally change as the child ages and develops, with the parents gradually giving more responsibility to the child.
• If you set a behavioral boundary, you must be willing to follow through on the consequences (e.g. if you continue to abuse alcohol or take other drugs, I will no longer support you financially).
• When you set a boundary, you are also relinquishing control over how the recipient will react. Your responsibility is to set and communicate the boundary; it is the other person’s responsibility to respond.

“Communicating boundaries to others gives them a chance to understand and respect a boundary. It is best to have this conversation ahead of conflict, when emotions are calm. If a boundary is violated, it is important to know what you will do to enforce that boundary. Enforcing a boundary is not punishing the other person, it is about protecting yourself.” – Mackenzie Brasher, MA, LMFT Associate, LPC Associate, LCDC Supervised by Michelle Luttrell, MA, LMFT-S, MBA, MHA & Gale Hartschuh, LMFT-S, LPC-S

How Do You Set Healthy Boundaries?

1. The earlier you learn to set healthy boundaries – even as young as a child – the more likely you are to maintain successful relationships both now and in the future.
2. Setting healthy boundaries involves recognizing a goal. Know your goal in setting subsequent boundaries.
3. Boundary setting can be uncomfortable. Start with setting small boundaries, and only focus on one boundary at a time.
4. Clarity is important. Focus on what the goal is and ensure that it is as clear as possible.
5. As with being successful at anything, setting healthy boundaries takes some practice. You can write out your boundary and practice vocalizing it prior to sharing it with someone.
6. Try to keep things simple. Too many details can be overwhelming, so keep it minimal.

Why Is It Important to Set Boundaries?

1. Setting limitations within a relationship is one way to ensure it is healthy.
2. Setting boundaries gives the clarity of sharing and knowing your wants and needs in the relationship.
3. Setting boundaries is an exercise of self-care that honors your value and who you are

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